


Honest To You

by MyEnglishRose



Series: A Timeless Charm (Asian Countries-centered works) [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Complicated Relationships, Cuddles, Family Issues, Gen, Human & Country Names Used (Hetalia), Implied Relationships, Lots of cuddles, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 03:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16255808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyEnglishRose/pseuds/MyEnglishRose
Summary: "If there is one thing Yao is really proud of is how, despite all the conflicts in the past and even today, he and the other Asian countries treat each other like family. Some are natural, like Yong Soo being the overexcited little brother (even though he isn't the youngest at all) always hyping everyone, or Lien acting like the mother they all never properly had in the past. Others seem forced, like Mei faking the mere fact she can bear being in the same room as him, or Naveen trying to be polite and all only to seem passive aggressive with every sentence with a glint of annoyance in his eyes.And then there's Kiku."Or - Brothers, enemies, rivals, friends, partners, whatever the title they give to their relationship there is one thing that will always taint it and it is the sole existence of the scar right in the middle of China's back.





	Honest To You

**Author's Note:**

> So, while China's scar is canon, its origin is pretty vague? From what I gathered at least? We know it's Japan who gave it to him but _when_ is not clear – it is whether when they were younger and Japan wanted to literally cut any ties, any link with China, or at the massacre of Nanking which would place the scar as pretty recent. For the convenience of this one shot, I chose the first interpretation. This is only in Yao's point of view, by the way, so along with him a lot of Vietnam who serves as the worried mum (and honestly I wrote their relationship being platonic more than anything else, but I tagged it just in case). I might write the story again but from Kiku's point of view this time (so there would be more interventions from Taiwan and Western countries, who knows, not me)
> 
> Also, while we're at it, a reminder of the names I use for each Asian character: China/Yao, Japan/Kiku, Vietnam/Lien, Thailand/Kiet, India/Naveen, Hong Kong/Jia, Macau/Cheng, South Korea/Yong Soo, Mongolia/Ulan, Taiwan/Mei (eh, they're almost all there, Tibet is missing)
> 
> Oh, and, English still isn't my first language lol

It's under the moonlight that he can think best.

If there is one thing Yao is really proud of is how, despite all the conflicts in the past and even today, he and the other Asian countries treat each other like family. Some are natural, like Yong Soo being the overexcited little brother (even though he isn't the youngest at all) always hyping everyone, or Lien acting like the mother they all never properly had in the past. Others seem forced, like Mei faking the mere fact she can bear being in the same room as him, or Naveen trying to be polite and all only to seem passive aggressive with every sentence with a glint of annoyance in his eyes.

And then there's Kiku.

He physically can't be in the same room as the Japanese boy without wanting to throw up or needing to scratch his back in places his hands can't reach. If others are around he can handle it and can let himself be distracted from the pain and itchiness but as soon as he is left alone with the first boy he took care of he feels like dying.

It's the scar, he knows.

It's the elephant in the room whenever they discuss peace and economic deals. No one in Asia mentions it, especially Yong Soo and Lien when they give Yao a back massage, avoiding even hovering over the nasty scar. It doesn't stop Yao from thinking a lot about it, though.

He wonders sometimes if it is a good thing to keep it in such silence – even Ivan doesn't know about it, nor Alfred, Arthur or Francis for that matter – instead of directly confronting Kiku with it. It sure would ruin the boy's image in the West. They all see him as the respectful and innocent nation who's been treated wrong after the two Wars, while they, in Asia, know what he is capable of and are afraid of him.

_Forgive but not forget._

Those simple words, that Lien herself told him when she accepted him in her life again after countless battles and arguments, ring in his head painfully. As much as he pretends, he can't forgive him completely. He can't be like her, who now is on good terms with everyone she fought with before, even Ulan! The Mongol still wants his death, though Yao can't really blame him.

He sighs heavily while looking up at the full moon on display in the sky.

“We have an early flight tomorrow you should sleep but of course, you're here,” a sleepy voice suddenly says behind him.

He doesn't move though, as he feels the person wrap their arms around him from behind, a sleepy head now lolling in the crook of his neck. He brings his hands to their arms, gently gripping them.

“You always have a perfect timing Lien, aru,” he whispers in the silence of the night.

“You tend to sigh loudly whenever you finish a strain of thoughts,” she replies in a small voice, slightly muffled by his skin. He shivers involuntarily at the feeling of her lips against his neck.

She's always been more cuddly when sleepy.

“I'm not tired, you're the one who should go to sleep what are you even doing here, aru?” he asks gently.

“Well it's your fault you weren't there and I grew used to sleeping in your arms,” the Vietnamese woman states. “I did wonder why you needed so much affection lately, even during the night. Guess by finding you here I have my answer.”

He doesn't miss the slight disappointment in her voice and he looks away again, refusing to meet those judgmental golden eyes. He knows she only means well, she's merely trying to take care of him like she started to do with the rest of their dysfunctional family, but Yao has some pride, and he has trouble accepting help from people younger than him – even if compared to Mei, for example, Lien isn't that younger than him.

In fact, she's probably more mature than he could ever be.

She's also everything he wants to love and have, but unfortunately, she isn't enough for the hole still present in his heart.

“Come on, torturing yourself like that isn't a good thing, and knowing you you'll get cranky at the World Meeting and no one needs that, especially your government.”

As she drags him back to bed, clutching his hands tightly in hers to the point he is almost sure he'll have bruises, he discreetly sighs to himself.

He really doesn't deserve her. No wonder why Naveen and Mei despise him.

Still, when they lie down on the mattress, and Lien instantly snuggles closer to him, he can't help but smile and kiss her on the forehead.

“Thank you, Lien aru,” he whispers. She hums in response.

Long ago, this would have been his utmost dream come true.

.....

Kiku isn't with them.

He rarely is these days, having flown before them or taken another plane. He always says Feliciano and Ludwig are waiting for him and want to catch up. Yao doesn't know how to feel about the boy preferring them over his own family. They usually all reunite a day before they have to leave for a World Meeting, going to Yao's house or Lien's one and occasionally Naveen's literal palace, but in the recent years, Kiku has always been missing.

“The plane's about to take off Yao ana,” Kiet, surprisingly, is the one who brings him back to earth.

Yao startles a bit before looking up at the Thai who only smiles in return.

“Lien said you're a bit aloof recently ana,” he says as they start to board the plane, staying at Yao's side. “I know we aren't the closest but Lien is a bit occupied right now let's say ana.”

As if on queue, as soon as they enter the room, they see Lien trying to ignore both Naveen and Mei who were apparently telling her about some cute outfits they want her to put on. It is a bit shameful, but Yao can't help but perk up when he hears Mei whine “but cute cat ears!”

Kiet next to him seems interested too, blushing lightly.

Yao wonders how Lien can even bear all of them.

“We're leaving everyone sits your asses down!” Yong Soo yells above all the commotion.

“Language!” Lien yells back, but the South Korean boy only sticks his tongue out. Yao huffs with a smile.

They all take a seat and put their belts on. Yao sits beside Lien once he manages to send Naveen and Mei away. In front of them sit Naveen and Kiet, while Yong Soo and Mei are on the other side of the plane – though, they wonder if it was a good idea to let the two most childish nations alone. Jia and Cheng stayed at home since their presence at the World Meeting isn't required, and they both aren't really keen on jumping on a twelve hours flight for nothing.

Yao mindlessly takes Lien's hand in his before closing his eyes and letting Lien's, Naveen's and Kiet's voices lull him to sleep.

…...

_The United States. New York._

Yao sighs as he readjusts his tie upon entering the building the meeting was meant to happen in. He lost the other Asians as soon as they found their hotel where other nations would stay for the next week. Mei went searching for Kiku's hotel room. Naveen caught up with Arthur who didn't have a room (Yao heard he was staying at Alfred's... and he wants to know what is up with these two's relationship) but decided to go see the hotel and greet all his former colonies. Kiet engaged in a rather animated discussion with Mathias as soon as they saw each other. Lien found Elizabeta and Natalya with whom, Yao learned recently, she liked to meet up and train with. Yong Soo, finally, wanted to sleep a bit more so for all Yao knows, he is still in his bed right now.

He enters the, for now still empty, meeting room and spots his seat, situated in between Kiku's and Yong Soo's ones. Wordlessly, he sits down and places his documents on the table before taking his phone out to pass the time.

It's kind of weird though, to be in here alone, he usually is one of the last nations to arrive. Today is just odd, he guesses, fighting his urge to scratch his back.

As the thought leaves him he quietly gasps, and as soon as he looks up, he sees Kiku closing the door behind him.

_Well shit._

Their eyes meet and they both seem to freeze. Then, Kiku's eyes linger to Yao's side, catching sight of his name on the seat next to his former mentor and they widen in realization. He seems to hesitate, hand still on the handle of the door, but Yao tries to smile encouragingly even though his mind is screaming to get out of the room right now.

“Hello Kiku, aru,” he manages to greet.

Finally, Kiku lets go of the handle and nods as a simple response. He slowly makes his way to his seat and drops down on his chair with a heavy sigh. Yao eyes him curiously but doesn't say anything, instead choosing to look back at his phone where a text from Lien is displayed. He smiles genuinely this time and totally misses Kiku's curious gaze.

“So... you and Nee-chan are officially together?” Kiku's voice startles him a bit and Yao jumps on his seat before turning to face the younger nation.

Still, he feels a pang of sadness at the boy's words. He just called Lien “Big sister” so effortlessly, and yet he can barely say Yao's human name.

“Kind of aru,” he vaguely answers. After all, he himself doesn't know the correct answer. They've been closer than usual in the recent years, but they didn't give a name to their relationship.

But then Kiku frowns, visibly annoyed. Which, weird. Why would he, of all people, be so bothered at the idea of Lien and Yao together?

“She still flinches when I go talk to her,” Kiku suddenly confesses and Yao looks at him with round eyes. “She tries to hide it.”

He looks pained, Yao notices and he internally sighs.

Kiku cares so much for Lien, but not for him. It's disheartening. Especially when he can't blame either of them.

“Well it is still rather recent aru,” Yao speaks up again. “It doesn't change the fact that she loves you anyway.”

“I can't understand,” Kiku mutters but Yao can hear him clearly. “Why is she so serene around you despite all you've done in the past yet I've done one mistake and she can't look me in the eyes anymore? That's... unfair.”

Yao blinks. Are they fighting over her right now?

“As I said, what you did during World War Two is still recent for the long lives we have aru,” he reasons frowning and not understanding why this is upsetting the Japanese so much. “Why is it bothering you now?”

It's silent again. Yao's want to run away is stronger than ever and he stares intensely at the door, hoping someone – Lien would be perfect, honestly – when he hears shifting next to him. Kiku is displaying his own documents on his table, slowly, carefully.

Is he avoiding the question? Or is he thinking? Yao soon gets his answer.

“I just...” Kiku slowly starts, “I guess I want her respect and affection again. I miss her hugs. And you take all her time.”

So, yes, it seems like they're fighting over her right now. Funny, Yao thought he was only pissing Naveen and Mei off by keeping Lien so close to him, but it seems that, actually, he's bothering the whole continent.

So, Yao scoffs, “You've been avoiding us a lot recently, aru,” he accuses at last. “You can only blame yourself here aru.”

They glare at each other. Kiku's eyes, usually calm and rather bland, are, at the moment, shining with restrained anger and Yao wonders what it would take for him to just snap like that time thousands of years ago, ending up scarring him for life, or that other time only one century ago, which only deepened and worsened the pain he has to carry every day with his scar. He opens his mouth, throwing all his previous concerns out of the window to try to break the younger nation, but then they're both snapped out of their trance when the slight smell of lotus suddenly surrounds them.

They both startle as a familiar voice joins them, “You're both insufferable,” Lien chastises, though Yao can hear a hint of worry in her voice as she eyes them warily. “Lots of people were waiting outside, afraid of entering with you two killing each other with your eyes.”

If the two men look away, neither apologize and only grit their teeth. Lien sighs and was about to go sit at her own seat, situated across from them between Naveen's and Kiet's ones, but Kiku grabs her arm before she gets too far.

Indeed, Yao sees her flinch at the touch, and the way Kiku's eyes quickly flicker with regret.

“Excuse me, I need to talk to you if possible, Lien,” the Japanese whispers in a quiet voice.

 _No Nee-chan, huh?_ Yao can't help but be intrigued. Lien seems to hesitate before finally nodding.

“Well then. Let's do that outside, so we can tell the others they can enter safely.” she tells him.

Before they leave though, she leaves a gentle kiss on Yao's forehead. The old nation smiles at the gesture, but he definitely doesn't miss the dark look Kiku throws him before leading Lien out of the room.

…....

Lunch break.

Except Yao feels even sicker than before.

He's gotten several remarks about his unusual behavior, notably about his previous encounter with Kiku, the other nations telling him how it was unfair for him to be so harsh with the sweet, innocent, Japanese boy who only wanted the best for himself ( _“What? Having no family?” Yao shot back, “Why you favor power and wealth above family is above me!” But then Alfred spoke up, saying something smart for once “Friends are the family you choose, maybe he just doesn't feel like he belongs in your so-called family and I can't blame him!”_ Yeah, Yao still hates him).

He's back at the hotel, in his room more precisely, his food still untouched on the trail a kind lady brought him when he called for room service. He's alone of course and could have had company if he hasn't convinced Lien earlier to spend more time with the others. He feels kind of bad for “stealing” the woman's time from others.

He also feels like he's been relying on her way too much as of recently and while he loves her, he doesn't want her to feel the need to “fix him” nor does he want to be a burden to her.

Yet, he kind of regrets it now, appetite gone and with nothing to do until meetings start again in the afternoon. It suddenly dawns on him how he feels the need to reach for his phone and call Lien to take his words back and ask her to be by his side again.

He sighs. He's been doing that way too much and himself is tired of it.

“Maybe I should sleep aru,” he mutters. “I'll be in a better mood probably.”

Well, it's worth a shot, he thinks, as he falls on his bed and closes his eyes.

He awakes to his phone ringing and isn't surprised to see it was Lien calling him. He quickly looks at the time and doesn't even react when he realizes he's overslept and is now late for the meeting, however, he has no motivation to get up. Instead, he accepts Lien's call, fully ready to be yelled at... except it isn't what happens.

“Hey...” Lien's voice is small, worried, and this makes Yao sit up abruptly because it doesn't sound like her at all, “Are you okay? You didn't answer any of my calls for the last two hours...”

So much for wanting to not worry her anymore.

“I'm sorry Lien aru,” Yao sighs. “I was sleeping. I guess Germany is pretty angry right now huh? America must be too.”

A soft laugh, “Don't worry. Kiku told them you weren't feeling well and it was probably better if you didn't come this afternoon after how grumpy you were this morning.” Kiku? Also, he huffs offended at the adjective. He wasn't grumpy, he was literally suffering! “Alfred allowed me to go to take care of you, so I'm on my way, do you need anything?”

He is silent, quite surprised.

He still hates Alfred, though.

“No aru. Just need a hug.”

“No problem.”

Maybe accepting some help isn't so bad.

That night he gets to sleep cuddled close to Lien once again, and he probably won't ever let go, he thinks.

…...

A week passes, things seem to calm down and go back to normal. Yao even gets an apology from Alfred because of his harsh words (apparently Lien threatened him to do so. He doesn't approve the method, but it is nice to get an apology from the overgrown child that is the American. Arthur even reached out for him and wished him the best of luck with his family problem since he knows too what it's like).

Kiku is back spending time with them, though avoiding Yao simultaneously. He notices, however, the way Kiku seems to seek Lien's company, looking on the verge of crying when she isn't paying attention to him. Again, it's weird, the Japanese never was one to seek others' attention, in fact, he usually avoids them.

Something is definitely fishy but he doesn't question it.

That is, until that night. He wakes up as the moon shines brightly in the dark sky and Lien isn't in his arms anymore. Extending an arm to her side of the bed, he notices how warm it still is, meaning she might have left recently, maybe to the bathroom and would come back soon.

He waits approximately ten minutes, and still nothing. At last, he groans and rolls out of bed, needing his personal teddy bear with him. Yao wonders a bit around the house – on his tip toes, trying to do the less noise possible – and even in the garden.

He finds her in Kiku's room – and he now understands why it took him so long to find her – and he blinks as he takes in the view of the Vietnamese woman basically engulfing Kiku in a tight embrace. She is softly cradling Kiku's head while he rests against her chest, breaths coming short. The Japanese boy is gripping her top tightly even in his sleep and Yao can see tear stains on his pale cheeks even in the darkness.

“He had another panic attack,” Lien whispers gently, startling Yao who thought she was sleeping too. Wait. _Another_ panic attack? “Come on are you just going to stand there?”

“I-” he blushes, “I think I should go back to my room aru.”

“Don't be daft, come here. I think he needs it too.” She replies with a smile as she pats the space beside Kiku.

“This isn't a good idea Lien aru, you know it.”

“Shush and lie down with us. Like a happy little family, mm?”

Sighing to himself because he will always be weak to this girl, he complies. At first, he avoids any contact with Kiku's body, but Lien clearly wasn't having it and catches his arm, throwing it over hers and the younger nation's bodies. His right hand lands softly on Lien's waist as he is forced to slightly turn around for a comfortable position. He ends up on his right side, Kiku's head just below his chin, and Lien smiling at him.

He allows himself to smile too.

His scar doesn't hurt upon hugging Kiku closer to him, somehow. In fact, his heart feels kinda warm.

He wonders if he imagines the pleased hum coming out of Kiku's mouth. He doesn't think too much about it.

….

When he wakes up, both Lien and Kiku are gone, leaving him to wonder if he imagined all of last night's events but when he turns around and is met with Kiku's collection of anime posters on the wall, he knows he definitely isn't in his own room. This time the sheets are rather cold and when he looks at the hour, he realizes with horror that it's almost noon.

Yet, the house is surprisingly calm. Have the others gone out already?

He slowly gets out of bed and immediately walks towards his own room. In the passing, he sees Lien's door is slightly open and can hear Mei and Kiku having a rather animated discussion even if uttered in whispers. He hesitates only half a second and decides to not disturb them. Instead, he resumes his walk back into his room to put on some proper clothes for the day.

When he exits his room, the house seems livelier. In fact, as soon as he steps a foot in the living room, he is greeted with... loud noises. One of Naveen's movie is playing on the TV, and everyone – except the few nations not present – is singing along to the songs while the Indian and Kiet are even reenacting the dances. Yao cracks a smile at the joyful and wholesome scene, almost wanting to take his phone out and record everything, but then he sees Kiet subtly nodding his head towards the back door leading to the garden with a secret smile.

Without a second thought, Yao thanks him with a tilt of his head and then heads to the garden, fully expecting to see Kiku et Lien sitting by the little pound, engaged in a quiet discussion. From where he stands, Yao can still sense a sort of tension, mainly because he can easily see how Lien's movements are calculated and stiff even though the words seem to leave her lips effortlessly. Kiku, on the other hand, seems to glow, nodding eagerly while listening but hands firmly folded together, as if afraid he could lose control and do something that would scare the woman away.

Yao almost wants to let them be and not spoil their moments, but he knows that if Kiet sent him here, it is for a reason, so he takes a deep breath and starts to walk towards them. Lien is the first to notice him as she stops half sentence to look up at him and subtly smile then patting the ground next to her. Kiku definitely stiffens upon sensing his presence but makes an effort by greeting him with a slight bow of his head.

“Was I interrupting anything aru?” Yao asks, grinning widely. “You could all have woken me up, I don't like waking up cold and alone,” he continues with a playful pout aimed at Lien.

She rolls her eyes and hits his arm but doesn't reply. Kiku observes their interaction with intense eyes.

“You looked tired,” the younger nation explains simply.

So, they won't be talking about it, it seems.

“And you're grumpy in the morning,” Lien continues.

“No that's _you_ ,” Yao reminds her with a smirk, “you literally refuse to let me go if I wake up first aru!”

Lien huffs, faking offense, “And for that, you'll sleep on the couch tonight.”

“What! I have my own room, we're in my house aru!”

“And I can still lock you out while making sure Lin doesn't let you in my room,” she grins, and as soon as Naveen's tigress' name leaves her lips, the feline appears from behind Yao, purring loudly in his ears and making him nearly fall in the pond.

This leaves both Kiku and Lien laughing so hard they need to breathe for a few moments when they're done. Lin, on her part, lies between them, rolling on her side towards Lien and Kiku specifically, asking for some petting.

Yao wonders how Naveen managed to make his pet hate him too even though he hasn't spent a lot of time with the gorgeous tigress. He forgot she even existed, when did Naveen bring her here?!

…..

It's under the moonlight, that he suffers the most.

The moon knows everything about him, she's been here all along ever since he was a little child and wandering around a forest, not knowing what the purpose of his life was. He remembers meeting Naveen, Rome, and Ancient Egypt – he doesn't remember the last two's names – under the moonlight. He remembers teaching Lien how to fight by the light of the celestial rock. And it is also under the moon that Kiku once stabbed him in the back, hidden in the shadows.

This time, however, Yao feels him approaching, his scar starting to prickle. He doesn't move though, and waits and waits until he feels Kiku's presence just next to him.

The boy sits down but doesn't look up at the satellite, instead, he is looking down at its reflection on the pond where barely hours earlier they had the first normal family moment with Lien in a long while.

They're silent.

Yao chances a look towards Kiku and sees him with closed eyes, frustration clearly visible in the lines of his face. He has a lot of questions – why is he back spending time with all of them? What is he even doing here? Why is he so clingy with Lien recently? Are they finally moving forward?

“I can't do this,” Kiku finally announces. “I promised Lien but I can't!”

He sounds distressed. Yao's first reflex is to get closer and scoop him into a hug but he knows neither of them can actually handle an act as simple as an embrace so he stays where he is.

“You know, you and I both should stop using Lien to cope with our situation aru,” he merely replies as he closes his eyes too. Somehow, he can feel Kiku suddenly looking at him. “She's probably sick of us not getting our problem together after hundreds of years.”

“She cares for us,” Kiku argues, and he sounds thankful this time, “I don't think it bothers her.”

“How would you know? I thought she still had trouble being near you aru,” Yao remarks, and maybe it was a low blow but he doesn't have time to regret.

“Everything kind of went away when I had a panic attack in front of her.”

The older nation perks up at that – as horrible as it sounds. Another thought crosses his mind too: once again, they can speak to each other because they are talking about Lien and going around their real issue through her instead of addressing it.

“It was at the meeting,” he explains slowly, “and, well, I only meant to ask her how to approach you correctly but seeing how cautious she was around me, I just- all the weight of my actions fell down on me.”

“Why her, but not me?” Yao asks, deciding to drop the “aru” altogether, eyes still closed. He doesn't feel like himself right now anyway. “Why did she trigger such guilt while you couldn't bat an eye about me for centuries?”

It's silent again, only for a few moments before Kiku releases a shaky breath.

“I need to be honest, don't I...?” the younger states more than asks, “I never regretted what I did to you because I always felt like you deserved it. I wanted to be truly independent and back then you were... horrible, to say the least, I mean, you didn't want to let Lien go either, she just didn't scar you for life.”

Well, he expected it, but it still hurts. A lot.

“As blunt and rude as I sound, I never cared for you,” Kiku continues but both wince at his choice of words, “or more like, I never worried about you. You're the big brother, aren't you? The elder? The wise one, the strong one...”

“Lien is, too.”

“But she was under someone's protection too, once, you never were,” Kiku points out. “With her own story with you, she knows what I feel, though she handled things differently. We talked a lot and she helped me deal with so much. After what I did, I lost my rock.”

“And ironically she went to me for comfort,” Yao completes pensively, “just as I needed someone too.”

“I hated you, still hate you in some way for too many complicated reasons that don't even matter now...” the Japanese nation sighs.

Yao's scar prickles again and he keeps his eyes forcefully closed. This isn't where he expected this discussion to go. Was it only wishful thinking to hope for some form of reconciliation seeing how peculiar the atmosphere around them is right now, compared to all the previous times they've tried to speak alone?

“The fact that she still went to you when I knew how much she despised you for so long made my blood boil. And now you're somehow in a sort of relationship with her? How? And everyone is so happy, even Mei and Naveen, except me? What am I doing here with you when I don't even belong in this family I forcefully removed myself from years ago when I sealed my fate by piercing a sword through your chest?” Kiku says with a distant voice.

Finally, Yao looks at Kiku, and the boy is staring straightforward, eyes wide open and hands tightened in fists. It doesn't take him much time to understand he is reliving the whole scene in his mind if the dark look on his face is anything to go by. Yao is almost afraid of him, afraid he wouldn't snap out of this weird trance and somehow hurt him in his dream-like state.

“Is there really a family or did we just create it in a mere attempt to imitate humans and long for a life we'll never have?” the younger one continues his questioning, only making the elder feel even worse about this whole family thing, Alfred's words at the World Meeting resonating again in his mind.

There is one thing Yao has always been proud of, and it is the same thing Kiku feels so insecure about. The boy isn't wrong though. However, unlike him, Yao and most of the Asian nations nowadays find comfort in this "fake" family they built from the ruins of the past because most of them didn't have strong enough relationships with foreign countries to even pretend to foolish friendships. Yao himself, despite being one of the economic powers of the world, argues with Alfred constantly (and often wants to strangle the young nation, honestly), and while he is close friends still with Ivan despite their bosses being on a thin line, Ivan is close to Asia, had been under Ulan's rule for long - and painful - years and is basically the weird lost long cousin they barely see.

Somehow, he forgot to consider Kiku's feelings in this.

“None of us are related. Well, I guess Jia, Mei and Cheng could technically be my kids and Kiet is basically Lien's and Naveen's son but I don't like to think about it,” Yao grimaces while pronouncing those words. “It's up to you really. You never lost the right to be a part of our family. They all miss you and I've never seen them so happy ever since you came back spending time with them,” he muses.

“I've hurt all of you too much. You can all forgive me all you want, it is useless when I won't let me forgive myself.” A heavy sigh. “I love them, though.”

Them, not you, he isn't including Yao. The old nation tries not to let his disappointment and hurt show.

“And we all love you, too,” he replies still, “It's not like you've been pretending you have a good time with us, do you?”

“No,” Kiku admits with a little smile, “If I don't love you yet, I respect you, and I have hope one day, I'll see you as my brother again.”

All traces of sadness suddenly leave Yao who sends his _brother_ a shocked look. Kiku seems to snap out of his trance as he finally turns around to face Yao. His brown eyes are soft instead of cold, and shiny too somehow, like guarding tears threatening to fall.

“Lien, Naveen, Mei... I've talked to them a lot recently. I also had talks with Alfred to know how he dealt with traumatizing his former mentor,” Kiku continues, “and I know avoiding you isn't the solution, but I've never been good at talking about my feelings, and I probably did something worse than him because he might have hurt Arthur mentally for the rest of his life, but with you, I hurt you physically _and_ mentally, going as far as scarring you which... we're nations, we heal, you didn't!”

It's only when the words leave the boy's mouth that Yao realizes it's true. They're nations, scars don't stay until it is related to an event that changed them forever. And Kiku's sudden departure did change him though he didn't realize until now.

“I'm not... I don't belong here, for now, at least I don't feel I do. But I have hope. I can't pretend I'll go back with being comfortable around you, and I don't think you'll be comfortable with me before a long time,” he sighs, “I used to despise this idea of family, because in my mind it wasn't real, we were just fooling ourselves but then- after Lien convinced me so I tried fitting in again and I felt so overwhelmed by how much love there was, how quickly the others included me I-”

A sniff. Yao startles. Kiku is crying yet smiling through it and chuckling probably at himself. This time, the Chinese man doesn't even hesitate and reaches out for him, pulling the other nation flushed against his chest and all his emotions hit him at once.

Fear, sadness, hurt, happiness, relief, _love_. It all comes down and he too feels tears starting to roll down his cheeks as Kiku wraps his arms around him and maybe holds him a bit too tight but somehow his scar doesn't hurt as much as when Yong Soo forgets and crushes him in a bear hug.

“I miss this,” Kiku mutters against his shoulder. Yao can't help the smile forming on his lips – even after all this time, when even Jia is close to outgrowing him on height, Kiku is still shorter than him, “but I can't convince my mind that I deserve it, that I can have all these people loving me despite my mistakes! And I'm tired of pretending I don't want this.”

Yao doesn't say a thing in response and only stays silent, rubbing the younger nation's back with a gentle smile. After a while, Kiku calms down, breathing slowing down to a normal pace but he doesn't move.

But then.

“Can we... cuddle again? With Lien I mean- it was the first time I didn't wake up with a nightmare in your house I- I don't know-”

Yao cuts him off, slightly pulling away to look into Kiku's still watery eyes. “Of course. I'm sure she won't mind.”

So, when they make their way to Yao's room again, Lien is standing by the open window, eyes fixated on the moon outside. As soon as she hears them though she turns around with a knowing smile. Kiku and Yao redden a little under her gaze as she extends her arms, silently asking for a hug – and a thank you too, probably.

Problems are still there, and Yao's scar will never disappear nor will its pain when Kiku is near but right now it is overpowered by the knowledge that Kiku is trying and that Lien is there to put the pieces together.

**Author's Note:**

> The ending feels kind of rushed but I can't, for the life of me, write something better. The thing is, suddenly, Kiku's side of the story seems more interesting with all his conflicted feelings and his psychology while Yao already knows what he wants - Kiku back - all the while he has Lien constantly by his side to help him through the pain. Which is why I'm so in the fence about writing Kiku's point of view of this whole one shot since I am not sure I will be able yet to convey all his contradicting emotions through my writings, so, eh, who knows?  
> Also, I realize I mentioned Mongolia twice yet he isn't really part of the "family", let's say with Tibet he's those members of the family you basically never see but somehow you know what they're up to  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this little thing!


End file.
